One of the best pieces of advice I can give, something that has helped me start talking more with strangers, is this:
When I’m speaking to someone in a service role, like a waiter, a cashier, or a salesperson, I remind myself that I’m just one of hundreds of people they interact with that day. To them, I’m simply another brief interaction. So if I say something awkward or if the conversation doesn’t flow perfectly, it’s not a big deal. It’s probably just one small, forgettable moment in a long series of conversations they will have that day.
Thinking about it that way helps me relax and not put so much pressure on myself. At the same time, some of the most meaningful or unexpected opportunities can come from simple conversations with strangers. You never really know what a small interaction might lead to, whether it is a new connection, a new perspective, or even an open door you did not see before.
I've always done this. Used to drive my mom nuts at the grocery store just asking people random shit about the stuff they're buying. Have lived all over the US in various downtowns. You can learn so much about a city, what's actually good there, just by asking everyone you can.
Unsure of what a lot of people in this thread are talking about, they have been misled into believing some very antisocial things and do not seem pleasant. Perhaps it is best they stay inside and do not talk to anyone.
I am not an old british lady or a 7ft tall underwear model / pro athlete, I'm just some dude. The closest thing to a change I've experienced is having to be more proactive about smiling or demonstrating that I am not what others have very legitimate cause to fear as of recent. That sucks a lot and makes me quite sad.
Not saying bad things don't happen, but I've certainly never worried about violence up until recently. Unspoken social contracts are being broken by people who have not considered the consequences, my heart breaks for them and what will have to happen next.
The world is much smaller than you realize. If 90% of everyone was crooks or criminals, you would not be posting that shit right now, because you would not be alive. They don't do that because it's bad for business. A lot of what is happening right now is predicated on the concept of there being some amount of business that is okay to lose in exchange for... problematic ideals. Business will win
Something I learned from being around a few outgoing friends over the years, the easiest way to start a conversation is to ask questions. Even if you already know the answer, it breaks the ice and let's them do the talking. Don't know what to say next? Ask another question.
I don't know. The idea is old and looks solid but the more I think about it the more I don't buy it; people have less good friends. Many people are estranged from family. Many people barely say hello to their neighbors. Maybe we should expend our limited energy on the people we do know instead of strangers waiting for the bus.
For me starting something with a complete stranger is draining; I need to overcome a psychological barrier (that's probably there for a good reason); so the risk is there. The reward ? I'm not sure. Some interactions could be fun, many could be boring and draining. Sure I could get better at this skill of talking to strangers with lots of struggle but the end game isn't really clear, it's not gonna flip my personality into a charismatic stranger lover. I could use the time to quietly stare at space or call my mom instead.
I think you're missing the part where interacting with strangers is also working the general socialization muscle. If you find yourself being more social in general, and give yourself the time to recharge, then you'll be better equipped to engage with those closest to you. You may even get lucky and add someone else to that circle
Yeah that's actualy part of my issue with this - socializing isn't super easy for me. It takes energy. Instead of "practicing" this muscle, I can simply use this skill on the people I'm supposed to use it on anyway - family, colleagues, friends etc. Instead of trying to get the person next to me waiting for the bus to talk to me I can call my best friend who I hadn't talked to in a month or more.
I see no point in practicing with complete strangers. But you know what, I'm 41, about to turn 42, perhaps my priorities aren't the same as young people still building their personalities. There could be real value in being less shy and not fearing rejection so much; however I would say - find a good venue. I don't think New York subway is the bests place to start practicing this...
One of my best stranger conversations talking to a “Big Issue” [1] seller outside a supermarket. As I understand, they’re (close to) homeless usually.
When I asked about him, he mentioned he’s Irish but moved on to tell me about his plans. How he was saving to have a farm, planned what to grow, animals - 15m of quite precise description. His story was his future.
This was striking for me - when asked most people tell you about their past, where they’re coming from. It was the first time I realised that where we’re going should be a bigger part of our story and identity.
I try to keep that conversation in mind as a lesson, and as a reminder to talk to people around.
What is also fun is to just say 'hi' or 'hello' to random strangers, accompanied by a smile. I usually do that on the sidewalk (western Europe), but other places might also be fair game. I made an active effort to just greet people, now it's a habit. In the beginning I felt rejected sometimes by people blankly staring back at me and not saying 'hi' back.
Some people are not into that, don't suspect it or don't know how to handle that. Like half of this comment section, I really read some cringe comments here about how people don't want to be talked to. To them I can only say: don't worry, I see/feel from miles away that you don't want to be talked to. And even then, I might say 'hi' to you, just to gauge what happens. ;)
For me, it's okay if people don't say anything back. That's not even the point. I want to share a little positivity with the world (when I'm in the mood) and 90% of reactions are either a big smile back, a little nod or even a small conversation. There's nothing for me to 'win' (as a lot of commenters seem to think is the point); thinking in these terms makes it a business transaction.
I found out that especially elderly people are way more open to these things. Also, people who don't seem open to it (probably going through a bad time) might actually surprise you with a warm and welcome smile. These little interactions taught me to not judge a book by it's cover, give a little without expecting anything in return, and just knowing that you made somebody smile who needed that.
So if you think this article is something you want to try, but you're a little afraid thinking about whole conversations and stuff, just start with greeting random people. Don't see it as a transaction, just see it as age old human behavior (which it is). If you have a hard time reading social clues, this also might be a good way to practice that a bit.
I wonder if some of this also has to do with the culture of where you live, because it can go wrong. It reminds me of a BBC comedy skit about someone doing exactly this:
I like the sentiment behind what you've said, and I think you're especially right about elderly people (probably because they don't get much social interaction). I actually had an elderly woman come up to me this week to tell me I was standing in the wrong place for the bus stop - but it was sad that she had to begin by saying "Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, and you can tell me if this is none of my business and that you want me to go rack off... but I don't think the bus will stop here." I tried to be very kind and thankful with my response, because that's obviously someone who has been burned by trying to be social & helpful, and met with aggression in response before.
My personal philosophy has always been that “everyone has at least ONE good story to share.” Everyone. Best way to discover these gems is to talk with anyone as when the mood suits you. I’m a richer person for the stories that I’ve been honored to hear.
As someone who identifies with the text, a very introverted guy that almost never starts a conversation but it's able to maintain it once they other person starts it, and as someone who has never dated any girl (and failed to do so) I'll just say: almost every random person that talks with me...is a man.
It doesn't seems...fair...and, again, says a lot about society.
random people wont really talk to you because they have no way to evaluate who you are. it is nothing about you, but a reflection on society. the stranger is now a danger to women. this is what they taught in school too, and internet show them that all stranger use aggressive mean pick up artist tactics~
before 1990s there was very little international travel, small town everyone know each other, speak english. very little drugs and tattoos etc. stranger on the street most likely grew up less than a few hundred miles away. very little gun violence between strangers. most importantly no stupid pick up artist culture.
most blue collar people were only friends with blue collar people (not even drink wine), rich people only hang out with rich people (beer is for the plebs, only wine for us), and class was obvious by your clothes. they judge whether to talk to you by haircut , makeup., etc. remember this time many people dont even know what an ivy league school is. no internet.
now we have open society without judgement or visible hierarchies, it is not possible for a stranger to judge you so they they will totally avoid you. now you must install apps. these are merely a computer algorithm for women to judge men (salary, height, SATs, postcode, wealth) and filter
the best way is to join local community groups and form friendships over time. but now even these are being used aggressively to findd women, like running clubs and climbing clubs, so people will be very apprehensive of you. you must choose an interest which you genuinely enjoy but requires enough specific effort it doesnt end up full of normoids.
A tip from a past life working a customer service / food service job:
Learn a few words in a variety of languages. They are great conversation starters / expanders – I made a lot of actual friendships by talking to people (after taking their orders), asking them where they’re from, and then knowing a few words in their language. Nothing makes people happier than hearing someone speak their native language, no matter how poorly.
This was in a university town, so knowing a couple words in Chinese, Arabic, Hindi, etc. was useful.
Learning basic Levantine Arabic has brought me more smiles and free meals than I can count. It's been deeply healing in challenging the negative narratives surrounding these very warm people.
When I first my met father-in-law in my college days, we ended up going to the store to get my wife (then GF) some random supplies. I struck up a conversation with a stranger and my FIL asked his daughter, “Does he know that guy?” She laughed and replied, “Probably not.”
The other day I saw a guy on the train looking at pictures he was actively receiving of a topless woman. He was clearly enjoying it, in his own little world, so I leaned over and said “don’t get scammed buddy”.
His anger brewed for a few minutes and he decided he wanted to fight me, so he menacingly stood up. I remained seated and told him to sit down. He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a thing to stop him.
It’s made me think twice about interacting with random people, tits or no tits. But I doubt I’ll learn anything from it and continue with reckless abandon, because life is mundane otherwise.
Losing your temper when a serious boundary has been crossed is natural and expected. It had a positive outcome in that it stopped your bad behaviour immediately.
> He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a thing to stop him.
The bystander effect is real, but you should also take this opportunity for self-reflection, because in this case, you were the person behaving badly who instigated the situation.
Serious boundary? He put tits in front of my eyes. Am I supposed to remember to keep my eyes pinned to the floor when out in public? What a terrible way you must live.
I’m afraid to say, that if you want a boundary, go home. Otherwise, accept that you’re in public, and people can and will speak to you.
Also, you’ve just justified being violent in response to someone making sounds with their mouth. I bet you’re a calm person to be around, when everyone does what you want.
This is quite entertaining and I'm glad there are people like you, but you didn't even think it would be inappropriate to comment on a naked picture that someone receives in a private conversation? I don't even think you were supposed to look at his phone.
Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone. It doesn’t happen by staring at the floor and minding your own business. Quite the opposite, mostly.
Despite illusions and every misguided attempt, when in public, you’re not actually in an impenetrable little bubble. And when your bubble bursts, you can laugh, or get angry. I recommend choosing laughter because it’s easier on the eyes.
> Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone
Have you? You're dripping with condescension for everyone who's replied to you so far, in addition to the guy in your anecdote. You've asked one person to "fuck off" when they were polite. Do you think closewith or pingou have enjoyed their interaction with you?
Or is your art of talking to people just meant to amuse you and ignore the feelings of others?
By the way, there is a social convention that we refrain from commenting on what's on people's phones even though we can see it. It's considered an invasion of privacy if we do.
I would say mastering the art of talking to anyone includes having a good mental model of what the other person thinks or how they would react.
It can be delightful to be surprised, but if you are surprised all the time then I would say something may be wrong in the way you see the world.
Nowhere did I say that people should mind their own business at all time. You cannot imagine a situation where you shouldn't talk to a person? You feel entitled to look at their phone? Is there no social boundary you respect? You are free to not respect them, but you can't hardly be surprised to experience pushback.
Again, I like that people like you exist, I hope I don't come as too aggressive.
> Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone.
Well, mastering the art of talking to anyone involves being able to initiate a conversation with people of many cultures, in many mental states, in many circumstances.
A master of talking to anyone won't begin with a condescending and invasive comment, as they will recognise that beginning a conversation disrespectfully is unlikely to be received warmly.
I had a colleague (now friend :D) whose dad was a manager for a company, he taught him to talk to anyone so he's got a number of conversation starters / makers. I mean I (think I) can tell it's a very active intellectual process for him, like it's not natural and he's analysing responses and storing them and the like constantly, but he's doing it and it makes him a great asset. I don't think he aspires any leadership positions - conversations cost him energy and he likes to write code, after all - but he has the techniques for it.
ok it's a bit late but i think a big part is the non-verbal thing you're putting out.
my story is me and my wife moved to another country a few years ago for my study. after 4 months moving there, she already know and conversed with the people working the apartment and some neighbors. while i mostly just exchanged cursories and nods and glances. then one day we just walked out together and the same people i passed earlier just says hello and converse and stuff with my wife and me. yes she's very much an extrovert but i can see people are way 'more open' and my wife has that too. me on the other hand do have 'i don't want to bother you so please don't bother me' vibe.
Sometimes I want to strike up a conversation but get no reaction or even a dismissive glance and get ignored. It feels like the universe has a script and I went off track.
I hate it when strangers try to talk to me in public (e.g., on public transportation, at work). I absolutely do not care what you have to say, what you do, how your day went, how many pets you have, what your hobbies are, or where you spent your holidays, and at the same time, in no way do I want to share any details about my life, not out of privacy or anxiety of speaking but out of sheer annoyance and indifference. However, most of the time I do not want to insult the person that tries to talk to me in any way, so I just stay silent and try to endure this torturous assault until I find a suitable moment to get away.
I think it's mostly the denormalisation of this. Indeed someone just randomly striking a conversation with a stranger will come across as a psycho or a creep. No one wants to be perceived that way.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give, something that has helped me start talking more with strangers, is this:
When I’m speaking to someone in a service role, like a waiter, a cashier, or a salesperson, I remind myself that I’m just one of hundreds of people they interact with that day. To them, I’m simply another brief interaction. So if I say something awkward or if the conversation doesn’t flow perfectly, it’s not a big deal. It’s probably just one small, forgettable moment in a long series of conversations they will have that day.
Thinking about it that way helps me relax and not put so much pressure on myself. At the same time, some of the most meaningful or unexpected opportunities can come from simple conversations with strangers. You never really know what a small interaction might lead to, whether it is a new connection, a new perspective, or even an open door you did not see before.
I've always done this. Used to drive my mom nuts at the grocery store just asking people random shit about the stuff they're buying. Have lived all over the US in various downtowns. You can learn so much about a city, what's actually good there, just by asking everyone you can.
Unsure of what a lot of people in this thread are talking about, they have been misled into believing some very antisocial things and do not seem pleasant. Perhaps it is best they stay inside and do not talk to anyone.
I am not an old british lady or a 7ft tall underwear model / pro athlete, I'm just some dude. The closest thing to a change I've experienced is having to be more proactive about smiling or demonstrating that I am not what others have very legitimate cause to fear as of recent. That sucks a lot and makes me quite sad.
Not saying bad things don't happen, but I've certainly never worried about violence up until recently. Unspoken social contracts are being broken by people who have not considered the consequences, my heart breaks for them and what will have to happen next.
The world is much smaller than you realize. If 90% of everyone was crooks or criminals, you would not be posting that shit right now, because you would not be alive. They don't do that because it's bad for business. A lot of what is happening right now is predicated on the concept of there being some amount of business that is okay to lose in exchange for... problematic ideals. Business will win
Ask questions.
Something I learned from being around a few outgoing friends over the years, the easiest way to start a conversation is to ask questions. Even if you already know the answer, it breaks the ice and let's them do the talking. Don't know what to say next? Ask another question.
I've talked to random people.
Most of them are unbearably boring, and they need to resort to alcohol and professional sports just to have anything to talk about in the first place.
Bring up ECDSA and suddenly you may as well have just beamed down from a spaceship.
This is the funniest thing I have heard all day today thank you for this.
I don't know. The idea is old and looks solid but the more I think about it the more I don't buy it; people have less good friends. Many people are estranged from family. Many people barely say hello to their neighbors. Maybe we should expend our limited energy on the people we do know instead of strangers waiting for the bus. For me starting something with a complete stranger is draining; I need to overcome a psychological barrier (that's probably there for a good reason); so the risk is there. The reward ? I'm not sure. Some interactions could be fun, many could be boring and draining. Sure I could get better at this skill of talking to strangers with lots of struggle but the end game isn't really clear, it's not gonna flip my personality into a charismatic stranger lover. I could use the time to quietly stare at space or call my mom instead.
I think you're missing the part where interacting with strangers is also working the general socialization muscle. If you find yourself being more social in general, and give yourself the time to recharge, then you'll be better equipped to engage with those closest to you. You may even get lucky and add someone else to that circle
Yeah that's actualy part of my issue with this - socializing isn't super easy for me. It takes energy. Instead of "practicing" this muscle, I can simply use this skill on the people I'm supposed to use it on anyway - family, colleagues, friends etc. Instead of trying to get the person next to me waiting for the bus to talk to me I can call my best friend who I hadn't talked to in a month or more. I see no point in practicing with complete strangers. But you know what, I'm 41, about to turn 42, perhaps my priorities aren't the same as young people still building their personalities. There could be real value in being less shy and not fearing rejection so much; however I would say - find a good venue. I don't think New York subway is the bests place to start practicing this...
One of my best stranger conversations talking to a “Big Issue” [1] seller outside a supermarket. As I understand, they’re (close to) homeless usually.
When I asked about him, he mentioned he’s Irish but moved on to tell me about his plans. How he was saving to have a farm, planned what to grow, animals - 15m of quite precise description. His story was his future.
This was striking for me - when asked most people tell you about their past, where they’re coming from. It was the first time I realised that where we’re going should be a bigger part of our story and identity.
I try to keep that conversation in mind as a lesson, and as a reminder to talk to people around.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Issue
What is also fun is to just say 'hi' or 'hello' to random strangers, accompanied by a smile. I usually do that on the sidewalk (western Europe), but other places might also be fair game. I made an active effort to just greet people, now it's a habit. In the beginning I felt rejected sometimes by people blankly staring back at me and not saying 'hi' back.
Some people are not into that, don't suspect it or don't know how to handle that. Like half of this comment section, I really read some cringe comments here about how people don't want to be talked to. To them I can only say: don't worry, I see/feel from miles away that you don't want to be talked to. And even then, I might say 'hi' to you, just to gauge what happens. ;)
For me, it's okay if people don't say anything back. That's not even the point. I want to share a little positivity with the world (when I'm in the mood) and 90% of reactions are either a big smile back, a little nod or even a small conversation. There's nothing for me to 'win' (as a lot of commenters seem to think is the point); thinking in these terms makes it a business transaction.
I found out that especially elderly people are way more open to these things. Also, people who don't seem open to it (probably going through a bad time) might actually surprise you with a warm and welcome smile. These little interactions taught me to not judge a book by it's cover, give a little without expecting anything in return, and just knowing that you made somebody smile who needed that.
So if you think this article is something you want to try, but you're a little afraid thinking about whole conversations and stuff, just start with greeting random people. Don't see it as a transaction, just see it as age old human behavior (which it is). If you have a hard time reading social clues, this also might be a good way to practice that a bit.
I wonder if some of this also has to do with the culture of where you live, because it can go wrong. It reminds me of a BBC comedy skit about someone doing exactly this:
Northerner terrifies Londoners by saying "Hello": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT0ay9u1gg4
I like the sentiment behind what you've said, and I think you're especially right about elderly people (probably because they don't get much social interaction). I actually had an elderly woman come up to me this week to tell me I was standing in the wrong place for the bus stop - but it was sad that she had to begin by saying "Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, and you can tell me if this is none of my business and that you want me to go rack off... but I don't think the bus will stop here." I tried to be very kind and thankful with my response, because that's obviously someone who has been burned by trying to be social & helpful, and met with aggression in response before.
My personal philosophy has always been that “everyone has at least ONE good story to share.” Everyone. Best way to discover these gems is to talk with anyone as when the mood suits you. I’m a richer person for the stories that I’ve been honored to hear.
As someone who identifies with the text, a very introverted guy that almost never starts a conversation but it's able to maintain it once they other person starts it, and as someone who has never dated any girl (and failed to do so) I'll just say: almost every random person that talks with me...is a man.
It doesn't seems...fair...and, again, says a lot about society.
random people wont really talk to you because they have no way to evaluate who you are. it is nothing about you, but a reflection on society. the stranger is now a danger to women. this is what they taught in school too, and internet show them that all stranger use aggressive mean pick up artist tactics~
before 1990s there was very little international travel, small town everyone know each other, speak english. very little drugs and tattoos etc. stranger on the street most likely grew up less than a few hundred miles away. very little gun violence between strangers. most importantly no stupid pick up artist culture.
most blue collar people were only friends with blue collar people (not even drink wine), rich people only hang out with rich people (beer is for the plebs, only wine for us), and class was obvious by your clothes. they judge whether to talk to you by haircut , makeup., etc. remember this time many people dont even know what an ivy league school is. no internet.
now we have open society without judgement or visible hierarchies, it is not possible for a stranger to judge you so they they will totally avoid you. now you must install apps. these are merely a computer algorithm for women to judge men (salary, height, SATs, postcode, wealth) and filter
the best way is to join local community groups and form friendships over time. but now even these are being used aggressively to findd women, like running clubs and climbing clubs, so people will be very apprehensive of you. you must choose an interest which you genuinely enjoy but requires enough specific effort it doesnt end up full of normoids.
A tip from a past life working a customer service / food service job:
Learn a few words in a variety of languages. They are great conversation starters / expanders – I made a lot of actual friendships by talking to people (after taking their orders), asking them where they’re from, and then knowing a few words in their language. Nothing makes people happier than hearing someone speak their native language, no matter how poorly.
This was in a university town, so knowing a couple words in Chinese, Arabic, Hindi, etc. was useful.
Learning basic Levantine Arabic has brought me more smiles and free meals than I can count. It's been deeply healing in challenging the negative narratives surrounding these very warm people.
When I first my met father-in-law in my college days, we ended up going to the store to get my wife (then GF) some random supplies. I struck up a conversation with a stranger and my FIL asked his daughter, “Does he know that guy?” She laughed and replied, “Probably not.”
The other day I saw a guy on the train looking at pictures he was actively receiving of a topless woman. He was clearly enjoying it, in his own little world, so I leaned over and said “don’t get scammed buddy”.
His anger brewed for a few minutes and he decided he wanted to fight me, so he menacingly stood up. I remained seated and told him to sit down. He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a thing to stop him.
It’s made me think twice about interacting with random people, tits or no tits. But I doubt I’ll learn anything from it and continue with reckless abandon, because life is mundane otherwise.
Involving yourself by commenting on very personal matters, especially in a smug or condescending manner, is almost guaranteed to end badly.
Losing one’s temper leads things to end badly.
Losing your temper when a serious boundary has been crossed is natural and expected. It had a positive outcome in that it stopped your bad behaviour immediately.
> He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a thing to stop him.
The bystander effect is real, but you should also take this opportunity for self-reflection, because in this case, you were the person behaving badly who instigated the situation.
> But I doubt I’ll learn anything from it
Yes, unfortunately it seems unlikely you will.
No verbal comment, be it a comment or an actual insult or otherwise, justifies violence and crossing the body threshold. In what world do you live?
Serious boundary? He put tits in front of my eyes. Am I supposed to remember to keep my eyes pinned to the floor when out in public? What a terrible way you must live.
I’m afraid to say, that if you want a boundary, go home. Otherwise, accept that you’re in public, and people can and will speak to you.
Also, you’ve just justified being violent in response to someone making sounds with their mouth. I bet you’re a calm person to be around, when everyone does what you want.
This is quite entertaining and I'm glad there are people like you, but you didn't even think it would be inappropriate to comment on a naked picture that someone receives in a private conversation? I don't even think you were supposed to look at his phone.
Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone. It doesn’t happen by staring at the floor and minding your own business. Quite the opposite, mostly.
Despite illusions and every misguided attempt, when in public, you’re not actually in an impenetrable little bubble. And when your bubble bursts, you can laugh, or get angry. I recommend choosing laughter because it’s easier on the eyes.
> Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone
Have you? You're dripping with condescension for everyone who's replied to you so far, in addition to the guy in your anecdote. You've asked one person to "fuck off" when they were polite. Do you think closewith or pingou have enjoyed their interaction with you?
Or is your art of talking to people just meant to amuse you and ignore the feelings of others?
By the way, there is a social convention that we refrain from commenting on what's on people's phones even though we can see it. It's considered an invasion of privacy if we do.
I would say mastering the art of talking to anyone includes having a good mental model of what the other person thinks or how they would react.
It can be delightful to be surprised, but if you are surprised all the time then I would say something may be wrong in the way you see the world.
Nowhere did I say that people should mind their own business at all time. You cannot imagine a situation where you shouldn't talk to a person? You feel entitled to look at their phone? Is there no social boundary you respect? You are free to not respect them, but you can't hardly be surprised to experience pushback. Again, I like that people like you exist, I hope I don't come as too aggressive.
I like you.
Wanna get married?
(Ah man, I’ve done it again. Please don’t hurt me, for intruding on your personal circumstances with my mouth sounds and finger symbols)
> Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone.
Well, mastering the art of talking to anyone involves being able to initiate a conversation with people of many cultures, in many mental states, in many circumstances.
A master of talking to anyone won't begin with a condescending and invasive comment, as they will recognise that beginning a conversation disrespectfully is unlikely to be received warmly.
You’re being condescending and invading my space, now fuck off.
Am I doing it right?
No. That’s responding with aggression, to an otherwise placid comment.
I posit that you should practice being less offended and stuck up your own arse, and learn to live a little.
I had a colleague (now friend :D) whose dad was a manager for a company, he taught him to talk to anyone so he's got a number of conversation starters / makers. I mean I (think I) can tell it's a very active intellectual process for him, like it's not natural and he's analysing responses and storing them and the like constantly, but he's doing it and it makes him a great asset. I don't think he aspires any leadership positions - conversations cost him energy and he likes to write code, after all - but he has the techniques for it.
ok it's a bit late but i think a big part is the non-verbal thing you're putting out.
my story is me and my wife moved to another country a few years ago for my study. after 4 months moving there, she already know and conversed with the people working the apartment and some neighbors. while i mostly just exchanged cursories and nods and glances. then one day we just walked out together and the same people i passed earlier just says hello and converse and stuff with my wife and me. yes she's very much an extrovert but i can see people are way 'more open' and my wife has that too. me on the other hand do have 'i don't want to bother you so please don't bother me' vibe.
Sometimes I want to strike up a conversation but get no reaction or even a dismissive glance and get ignored. It feels like the universe has a script and I went off track.
I used to avoid talking to people because it always turns out to be an argument
Later I realized this is wrong on my part, talking is all about talking, let the vibe continue and don't let it die.
I do look forward to being an older person because at a certain age I do feel society gives you carte blanche to talk to anybody.
I hate it when strangers try to talk to me in public (e.g., on public transportation, at work). I absolutely do not care what you have to say, what you do, how your day went, how many pets you have, what your hobbies are, or where you spent your holidays, and at the same time, in no way do I want to share any details about my life, not out of privacy or anxiety of speaking but out of sheer annoyance and indifference. However, most of the time I do not want to insult the person that tries to talk to me in any way, so I just stay silent and try to endure this torturous assault until I find a suitable moment to get away.
The irony of this being behind a paywall. People want to milk money on everything.
I think it's mostly the denormalisation of this. Indeed someone just randomly striking a conversation with a stranger will come across as a psycho or a creep. No one wants to be perceived that way.
"how to listen to anyone"